Chapter 2

CHAPTER 2 / Random thoughts

So this whole day i've been like, trying to tolerate my mom

If you're my besties you should know that I don't get well with my dad.

So my brothers and sis-in-law and niece,

nephews all went for a weekend getaway.

There's only 

me

mom

dad 

and a maid.

In the afternoon after get everything ready I went for a haircut with mom.

and dad's alone at home.

I felt pity for him

FIRST TIME IN FOREVER,

I didn't know that he already ate or not.

Who's going to bring him food.

But mom told me tonight he's going out with another party.

So....

I still felt sorry for him but thinking those things that he've done.

There's no mercy to give.

MOM

Because today her friend from KL who lived a high-class life came to Penang

And mom have to entertain her as well,

I do everything that I would never do in normal days.

First, I was asked to go and order the drinks next door.

Second, I was asked to put the plates outside the road.

Third, I was asked to go to the car and get water for the guest.

FOURTH, I was asked to go to coffee shop and get a warm water.

I was in the middle of reading Insurgent,

I'm really one of the book-worm

whom easily got sucked in books.

I was holding my breathe because the story line've reached climax,

then i got up and took a deep breathe ready to get water for her

 and she started to scold me

She scold me for being so unwilling to get her water

(p/s : her friend went back already)

Of course I AM MAD with that,

but I don't care about her and walked out,

And get her water.

Then she ask me next time my own things don't ask help from her etc.

Am I wrong for taking a deep breathe?

Sometimes I really can't find anyone in my family that understands me.

Because of age gap I can't communicate properly,

好好的话不能好好说

When I try to joke on dinner table,

nobody gives a fuck.

They just continue their own topics and ignored me.

That explains why

 I always finish my dinner in 5 minutes and leave the table.

AND THEY ALWAYS COMPLAINT ABOUT ME.

For not attending family activities and always on social media.

To me, friends are very important.

It feels like they're the only few person that understands me.

I can joke with them

share my story with them

tell them when i'm mad

when i'm sad

when i had problems

So when I got betrayed by friends it really hurts.

It hurts.

so much

So once I had a friend that i would share everything until I knew her attitude was bad

and she talks bad behind me.

What is with when you trusted a person so much and telling her secrets 

but after she listens and she joke with it around.

It doesn't feels good anyway.

Before that happened,

I knew 4 girls that I never thought that they would be so important to me,

the first girl, I knew her since long time ago but didn't approach her much.

She likes to eat fish ball.

She's the best listener [I gave this title to her]

She always cracked jokes with me.

And she insults me everyday and so do I.

She's the best teacher that teaches me what to do when I faced problem

She's noisy

She's annoying

JUST LIKE ME.

I liked her personality,

although she always mention that libra is a outer-appearance association

(which means that libras makes friends with those who're good looking)

And she self proclaimed that she looked good.

No idea, let her be HAHAHA.

The second girl,

she's fierce as heck.

at the first sight,

she's my desk mate at first but then i don't know what grandmother story happened we ended up not.

She's so icy cool and i don't wanna stick around her.

BUT NOW

She's my desk mate and I guess she understands me very well.

She knew it when I'm sad or angry

She knows everything.

Sometimes I really hated her sarcastic word,

but it has it own point in every sentences of it.

 I guess I've grown up much under her bully.

And now she's my close friend, 

I NEVER IMAGINE THAT

 SHE'S GONNA' BE SO IMPORTANT 

TO ME AT THE FIRST DAY I SAW HER.

if you read this, I love you! *muahmuah*

The third girl,

She's a extremely introvert at first sight.

She's so 2D until i couldn't approach.

But...

now

I'm cracking jokes with her,

sometimes she's so out-of-earth she will never understand what i say.

sometimes she's the only one who get my jokes.

She's very tolerate-girl.

She tolerate almost everyone

but she's not when it came to art.

and I love being with her because we can be quiet together.

Everytime in science lab,

she would be drawing her sketches

and I'll be reading.

We can be quiet together.

But when we're noisy,

the sky will fall.

Here comes the fourth,

She's a special case among the other 3

Last time in my gang, doublec.

We used to misunderstood her,

because she likes girls.

I thought that she's a considerate girl,

so I approached her,

out of expectation she's one of the best person in the world.

She listens to me, quietly.

Although she doesn't know how to solve my problems.

But she listens.

So friends around me started to tease me with her,

I really hated that because I'm really good with her.

I remember last year we used to be friends in secret and can't let others know.

Until I started to tell the first girl about her.

And slowly the conflicts of me being betrayed started.

And then things starts to change.

From 8 to 5.

Purest, truest, strongest.

5 person,

different personality and different horoscopes.

Could get along so so well.

I appreciates them.

I thanked god.

I hope we last forever.

I want them to be in my wedding,

the day when I'm giving birth,

My children's birthday,

because they're so going to be my children's 

second

third

fourth

fifth

sixth

kaimassss.

my birthday. 

So here they are, my favourite people on earth.

They teach me how to tolerate,

how to be understanding,

how to communicate,

how to crack jokes,

and ended up I'm being like a idiot to them.

_____________________________________________________

I looked very super ultra outstanding but deep inside,

I'm not.

I'm a introvert when I'm alone.

I looked strong outside, but deep inside I got hurt easily.

So please don't judge me that I'm weak when I show my weak side to you.

I show it because I trust you. 

As a libra, I seems to be that person that doesn't side anyone.

But no matter what happened on my friends or family,

I side them.

AND I felt left out easily,

I GOT LEFT OUT EASILY TOO.

hashtag. leftoutgang

I'm being so socialistic and friendly because I don't want to be left out

I like to be outstanding when there's a crowd,

not to draw attention but at least, let me speak

because I can't do that at my home.

nobody listens to me.

So, these are a part of me. 

In my brain, in my blood, my soul.