Chapter 5 : Red

Peoples around me knew I would be a good girl friend. 

I thought of be one too,

but sometimes I care too much. 

too much.

One of my friend-zoned friend told me

that I was really good to be,

but he doesn't appreciates. 

Among the 3 relationships, 

this hurt the most.

It's been quite a days since all together. 

It's hard for me to fell in love,

like..

the true one.

I seems like obsessed with everyone,

flirting or stuffs.

But if i met the one,

I'll stop.

And always be there for him.

But,

When we're not together, 

I might seems a little closer than people expected.

But after we're together,

I'll keep my distance.

I don't know why this would happen but.

I think it's all about ego.

For me,

my ego is very very high.

I can't simply apologise to one who I really care of. 

But I swear to god.

For him,

I really menumpukan seluruh perhatian dan sayang kepadanya.

I feel bad for my exs. 

Because I did a lot for him when he didn't know. 

Sometimes he doesn't mention a thing but he told him he's going somewhere,

I'll know automatically. 

Not because I stalk, but I care. 

So I always pay my attention on him.

I don't know why would I worry like heck when he didn't reply. 

I really hate people who don't reply. 

After all of those cases, 

We stopped.

We really stopped.

I thought it wasn't even possible for us to stop.

But guess I was wrong.

Love is weak, like a thin glass can be break by a finger. 

I really admire couples who last long and still so sweet. 

I can't be sweet sometimes, 

yea. ego.

I act like a kinda... elder sister sometimes,

but back to his only girlfriend at other time.

I guess this is why he likes to meet me in person than in conversation.

Because I sounds more ego and proud in conversation.

But in real person I'm different.

There are reasons that I fell for him.

for people who know me well,

I have no confidence. 

on my outer appearance or whatever. 

I don't expect people to like me at first sight because I know what do i look like.

I'm not those girl who have pretty thighs or abs or not skinny not pretty.

BUT. 

He met me for lot of times but still doesn't love me because of outer appearance.

I couldn't believe that.

I really can't.

There are a few people who made friends with me with true heart. 

Not outer appearance. 

I asked him if am I not pretty

will he be like upset or something.

But god damn he's a christian and told me 

As long as your heart is beautiful

I won't care what do you looked like.

As a girl i don't believe. 

But he insists.. so.... yea. 

We kinda... match?

Because we're both funny people.

and we don't kinda care of images in front of each other.

We even tell each other that we're going to poop before we did. 

Thanks to him? 

He's really disgusting but so freaking funny. 

I remember every moment we spent together,

not much but it's precious to me. 

Maybe after some other year I met another,

I might forget you, or these memories.

But, 

I wanted myself to remember that once I loved you this much.

It's over after all.

We're fateless but fate still link us up.

I'll remember you, 

the one that I loved that much. 

It's over. 

Goodbye.